Robyn Fait — Founder of RAW Collective, Counsellor, Living Sober and Refusing to Dim My Light.

Living with a Brain That Doesn’t Play by the Rules (aka ADHD-ish Life)

I’m pretty sure if I took an ADHD test or evaluation, I’d tick off more checkmarks than a teacher grading homework on a Monday morning. I’ve been “like this” most of my life, and by “like this,” I mean: staying on task? Hard. Remembering all the things I need to do? Even harder. Falling asleep? Forget it—I lie there thinking about everything and anything: from my third-grade teacher, to my favorite song at 15 (insert N.W.A. and Dr. Dre), all the way to what I need to complete this week… or if I forgot something today.

Focusing on one task at a time? Ha. I often convince myself I’m waving a magic wand and can do everything at once. And yes, I lose my wallet, keys, and cell phone more often than I’d like to admit—but the good news? My husband usually knows where I left it. Bless his soul.

The bigger challenge for me has always been tackling the “big stuff” versus the small stuff. And now you’re probably asking, “So why not just take medication?”

I don’t. Not because I think it’s wrong—far from it. I have clients whose lives have changed in the most wonderful ways because of medication. The key is that everyone chooses what works best for them. For me, though, my past with addiction makes me cautious about any drug or medication—I’ve been down that road too many times. Instead, I manage, create systems that work for me, and honestly? I have a hoot running my own circus, which I actually appreciate about myself.

The Self-Talk Spiral

For years, I made myself so wrong. I’d call myself stupid, dumb, an idiot—sometimes all in one day. School didn’t help: I was always in trouble for not focusing, being defensive, or struggling with schoolwork. And I never told anyone I struggled—because if I didn’t admit it, maybe it wasn’t true.

It wasn’t until I became a counsellor that I realized there was nothing “wrong” with me. I just struggled with things that others seem to do effortlessly. I learned to normalize my behaviour, change my self-talk, and focus on small tasks instead of the big scary ones.

Here’s why: our brains need dopamine to find motivation. For people living with ADHD, dopamine tends to be scarce. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy or incapable—it just means our brains work differently.

Big Tasks vs. Small Wins

Let me break it down:

Without ADHD: thinking about a big task usually creates enough dopamine to get moving. Even boring tasks? No problem. The brain organizes and acts.

With ADHD: big tasks can feel overwhelming. The brain might freeze, leading to withdrawal, lying on the couch, scrolling endlessly, or procrastinating. Not laziness—just a nervous system response to overload.

Small tasks, on the other hand, give a quick dopamine boost. Each small win builds momentum, helping you tackle the next step. Think of it like filling a cup of joy—every little win makes you feel a bit like a superhero ready for the next challenge.

Neurodivergent Doesn’t Mean “Less Than”

Living with ADHD—or being neurodivergent—isn’t about being broken. It’s about having a brain that works differently. And in a world that insists on left vs. right, yes vs. no, black vs. white—it’s exhausting. No wonder so many people feel isolated, alone, or unsure if life is even livable.

I’m committed to normalizing the idea that it’s okay to be different, to struggle, and to find your own path. That’s why I often tell clients to throw out everything they’ve been told and start with themselves. Here are five questions to start understanding yourself:

1. When do I feel my best—and what’s happening then?
2. When do I feel my lowest—and what triggers it?
3. What is one thing I’ve accomplished that I’m proud of, and why did it work?
4. What small actions or strategies make life easier for me?
5. Am I struggling more with doing things alone or with others involved?

You’re Not Broken

If any of this resonates, first, I see you. You’re not lazy, stupid, or incapable. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you think a conversation with your doctor might help, schedule it. Remove the shame, be honest about your struggles, and allow yourself support.

And if you’re already diagnosed or on medication but still feel stuck, reach out. Myself and other counsellors at RAW Collective are here to connect with you.

I want you to feel good in your life, in your body, and in your brain. I want to see you thrive, feel content, and have the tools and resources to do so. Humans aren’t designed to do life alone—we’re made to connect, build community, and wake up excited to live.

Meet our counsellors at RAW here